2016 has been a year full of movies; there are still many that I need to see, but out of the 83 2016 films that I have watched as of posting this countdown, I have compiled a best and worst list. More accurately, these are my favorites and least favorites, subjective and personal so my own tastes and experiences.
Note: since there are still many films that I need to see, this is Version 1 of my list, with Version 2 being posted on February 1st, and the final Version 3 being posted on February 25th. Without further adieu, here are my picks for Worst Films of the Year, numbers 5-1.
5) Allegiant. As I mentioned in my last post for The 5th Wave, the Divergent series is dead, and here’s the film that killed it. Seriously, this movie sucks, and it hurt to watch it. I love(d) the first Divergent film in theaters, and I bought it when it came out on blu-ray. I didn’t see the second one until this one came out because it didn’t look good, and after watching all three of these films, it’s easy to see that the quality gets progressively and exponentially worse. This film has so many obvious plotholes that it almost seems like nobody in the studio read the script or watched the movie, and because of the reaction to this, the cast said that they’re not even returning for the final film! This franchise is DOA.
4) Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I wanted to like this piece of shit, I really did! If you ask my buddies, they’ll tell you how excited I was to watch this, how much shit I gave them for saying it doesn’t look good, and how I watched it on opening weekend because it looked like fun. In the opening scene, a zombie eats a human, and a snot bubble pops on her nose, audibly. That’s the kind of stupid-ass tone that carries throughout the film, and of all the jokes this film told, none of them were funny, and the biggest joke of all was the film itself. Never again will I ever watch this; it’s literally Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice but with fucking zombies thrown in there for shits and giggles. What a disaster of a film, and I hope whoever greenlit this really thinks about what good that did American cinemagoers.
3) Fifty Shades of Black. The spoof genre is a joke, and this film is the butt of it. If A Haunted House didn’t teach you anything, it’s that Wayans just gets up on screen and acts like a food, using gross-out humor for 90 minutes in a sad excuse of a film that it destined to make you wish you were dead. I literally have no idea how somebody could enjoy this, but good for you if you could – you’ve got nerves of still. This movie is the kind of thing that you would find on YouTube, which has gone viral. Except, take that video made my a few 12 year olds, add 80 minutes to it, and remove all of the jokes. That is what you get with this film.
2) Zoolander 2. Stupid comedy makes for stupid movies, that is a fact. Whatever kind of “humor” went into making this movie, all of it fell flat and made watching this trainwreck an especially painful experience. I saw this with my good buddy Tyler, and we only saw a few movies together last spring because they were all shit, and this is the film that killed our theater-going-friendship. Not a single part of this film is watchable, let alone funny, and it all leads to just about the most animated, cartoon, over-the-top, goofy, and stupid climaxes I’ve ever seen in a comedy. And the acting! AH! I can’t talk about this anymore, on to the next one.
1) The Forest. Hands down, the first film that I saw last year was the worst film that I saw last year. This movie was literally the most predictable movie that I have seen in my life; every “scare” was able to be seen from a mile away, and none of them worked at all. The ending is a laugh, as is every single moment that comes before that. The premise is cool, and had a great amount of potential, but not one thing about this movie is good, and this film stands as a pillar of proof for me as to why horror films, inherently but with exceptions, suck. I wonder what kinds of shit horror I’ll see this year!
Well, now that that’s over, head over to the next list in my countdown, Best Films of 2016: Honorable Mentions! What did you think about this list? What are your least favorites of 2016? As always, comment your thoughts, share if you liked this, and thanks for reading! See ya soon!